Dance the night away!

why I would subscribe to Star magazine...

and it's not bc I have thousands of star tattoos, my middle name isn't 'obvious' nor 'mildly ironic'! It's Elizabeth, actually. But I wanted to title this blog "celebfest" bc basically I'm just going to start talking about celebrities for the next few paragraphs...and I don't feel shameful or self-indulgent in doing so. I've read People magazine since the third grade; I even remember when US was monthly (I read it then too) and not the glossy weekly we've come to know and love (and chronicle relationships by: Demi/Ashton; Jen/Ben #1; Jen/Ben #2...the list goes on). Actually, I've realized I much prefer Star (the new re-vamped version has excellent snarky writing without being too too witty--that's why I read Entertainment Weekly too--and they simply have a goal to give people the most up-to-date celeb info at that particular moment, but not dumbed-down in an "In Touch" sort of way) for necessary trash rag info. Their tagline says it all: "breaking celebrity news first!" I completely support them, and am considering buying a year's subscription. If Sarah-five-years-ago knew that Sarah-in-the-now was possibly buying a subscription to Star, whoa, there'd be chaos. It did used to be trashy and heavily tabloid-based (Elvis, UFOs, grossly obsese adults and children, etc.); I remember staring at the covers of Star and Nat'l Enquirer when I would grocery-shop with my mom (this might not have been five years ago; possibly more like ten or even twelve). But the newer, bigger, better, glossier Star is the best! This is why we buy it and bring it to the beach whenever there is a beach day. US Weekly is still also bought, but case in point: Stars are just like us! feature in US vs. Stars who are normal or...not normal in Star. I'm getting sick of seeing Jennifer Garner pump her own gas or Halle Berry shopping at a supermarket...this is nothing new or exciting. However, in Star, I get to see pictures of Ivana Trump racing a go-kart (not normal)! Dennis Rodman parades in panties (not normal)! Simon Cowell gets a haircut (and admires it on the way home!) (normal)! Prince William gets gummy worms to go (not normal)! And don't even get me started on the section called "Knifestyles of the Rich & Famous"--brilliant! Then they do this thing called the Weekly Awards, which is essentially the writers of Star making up awards to give to celebrities. Colin Farrell got the "I have no real friends award!" which is absolutely hysterical. Here's what they wrote under a picture of Colin Farrell blowing out candles on a bday cake--with his full name written on it! "It's a sad day when your friends put your last name on a birthday cake--as if someone might forget who you are? Colin Farrell, who turned 29 on May 31, garnered the dubious distinction on June 4 in Miami Beach when his Miami Vice co-star, Jaime Fox, surprised him with the overly formal, comedic cake." Then Jack Osbourne got the "Secret Cutie Award!" and Victoria Beckham got the "Flat Butt Award!" (finally!). I'm so obsessed with Star. Oh, and one more thing, I read the cover story: Did Jessica sleep with this man [Bam Margera] ? This woman [Jenn Rivell, his ex-fiance] says yes! What's the real story?
Well, Star got interviews with both Jenn Rivell, and Bam Margera...that's pretty cool, and no one was bull-shitting around and offering false pretenses about "we're just good friends" etc or whatever their publicists say. Let me quote directly: "Jenn says she became convinced by an email that something happened between Bam and Jess. Earlier this year, a suspicious Jenn secretly arranged to have Bam's emails forwarded to her email account. One of them, from a friend of his, said, 'Congrats on Jessica Simpson.' Jenn says that Bam's reply was: 'Yeah, it was the craziest thing. I woke up in her bed the next morning.' !!!! You will not find that in People mag. Then later on, from Bam's side of the story: "Bam isn't denying that he slept with Jessica. He tells Star he did spend the night at her parents' house with her--and about ten other people--but there was no sex. After partying at the Roxy, he explains, 'We'd had way too much to drink. We passed out on a couch at her parents' house while they were away. It was nothing.' In the morning, Bam says, 'We were all hungover. They ordered a pizza at nine in the morning! I had a car come pick me up.' " Unbelievable. I completely believe him, I think. She's in full-on slut-mode now that she's so marketable and will probably have a (gulp) movie career after "Dukes of Hazzard." But I bet she stays with Nick for at least four-six more months, until they can go to the premiere together, and then let the movie hype die down a little. Then wham-o! Divorce preceedings. The rest of this post will be celeb quotes, so if you're sick of this (me having ruined this week's Star and spoiling all the good parts), abort now. Otherwise, you're in for a fun ride since I also have this cut-out interview from Entertainment Weekly with Corey Haim! It's great; I can't wait, I'll type the best parts right now:
When was Corey Haim at his best? I would say Lucas. I'm not one of these actors who like, get Method on ya. But for me to turn into a nerd, who is much smarter than he should be and has a different way of looking at life, it was the most Method. That and Silver Bullet, where I'm paraplegic.
[I've never even heard of Silver Bullet, but I'm renting it ASAP! Can he rival that guy from "The Sea Inside"?]
Will the Coreys work together again? If we do another movie one day, I just hope there won't be any competition, because there will be none coming from me. I love the kid. To this day, if I call him, he'll be like, "Who's this?" And I'll be like, "Haimster." He's like, "What's up?" "What's up, Feldog?" It's all good.
[no WAY! they call each other Haimster and Feldog?! I'm still laughing, and I've re-read this interview about eight times...he sounds so much like an ex-heroin addict, it's scary--is that what they make you do in rehab besides get you clean? Make you talk in a certain way?]

This quote is from Star: "I wouldn't be attracted to a man who would cheat on his wife."
---ANGELINA JOLIE won't say much about her current love life, except that she has standards.

So true! She keeps spouting the same shit on talk shows, press junkets, magazine interviews, etc, and it's all about how she's secure in her womanhood and would never be attracted to a womanizer. Uh, why hasn't anyone mentioned Billy Bob Thornton, who ditched Laura Dern to be with Angelina Jolie back in whenever they met (that movie "Pushing Tin" maybe?). I think they might have even been engaged when he ditched her. What the fuck? Why is the media having collective selective memory? Is this Brad Pitt thing really that huge? Billy Bob has been married like 45 times and they're not even mentioning him? God.

I'll end with another Star quote, to "celebrate" their recent engagement: "I miss him when he leaves the room. I miss him right now. I love being with him every second of the day."
---KATIE HOLMES apparently can't get enough of her boyfriend Tom Cruise.

Wait, they're dating? Since when?

posted by SES @ 8:56 PM