Dance the night away!

Does Suri Holmes-Cruise exist?

Probably no one cares about this except me, but I think this story is too suspicious to not blog about. Why has no one seen Suri Holmes-Cruise, born over three months ago? And not like you have to do a photo expose in People when you have a baby like Brooke Shields and Britney Spears did, but when you're a celebrity, people want to see your baby. Even if it's just a thumbnail photo of a bald crying piece of shit; people want to see that.

But here are the deets: I don't know how they did it, but TMZ has obtained Suri's birth certificate. Bricks and stones, one of my fav celeb sites, posted it first and has some mysterious info about this alleged birth certificate. The document was filed May 8, 2006 with the LA county Register-Recorder/County clerk, but St. John's hospital has a policy of filing birth certificates within ten days of birth, and Suri was born on April 18, twenty days prior. An official from the hospital told TMZ that the delay occurred because they needed a signature from the parents or a representative of the parents certifying birth, and that person did not come in until May 4. The person who signed is labeled "friend." The signature is not legible. Hmmm #1.

THEN, the "Attendant or Certifier" who signed the certificate -- Anne Heffernan, RNC -- was not in the delivery room and did not see the baby. But a hospital rep tells TMZ that Heffernan is authorized to sign when the doctor is not available. A hospital rep said "normally the doctor signs" but it isn't a requirement. Hmmm #2.

FINALLY, the hospital rep said that the circumstances that triggered the eventual signing of the birth certificate were that Suri needed a passport and a birth certificate is a prerequisite to obtaining one. Super-hmmm #3.

Whyyyy does Suri need a passport? I understand she's Tom Cruise's child and will eventually be strapped into the sidecar of his motorcyle then jetting off to Katmandu, but seriously, this is all very shifty. These excuses are too PR-made. What the hell is the real story?

posted by SES @ 6:41 PM