Caution: I drive like you do
I found some real-life bumper stickers in the Uncle John's bathroom reader that I thought were great. Here are some of the best:BOYCOTT SHAMPOO! DEMAND REAL POO!
Politicians and diapers need to changed--often for the same reason
Whose cruel idea was it for the word LISP to have an "s" in it?
Try not to let your mind wander--it's too small to be out by itself
I'll bet you a new car that I can stop faster that you can!
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
Therapy is expensive; popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
If I had a car, and actually did the bumper sticker thing (mostly I just like looking at other peoples' but most likely wouldn't put any on my car), I would pick that last one about therapy, and then I would put this one on a t-shirt:
I'm multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time
My mom's colleague Gary suggested that I make myself a tee that read "Don't ask a question if you don't want an answer"--which I thought was a pretty accurate representationof me. I tried making a visor instead, but I ended up putting all these green question marks all over it (in Sharpie marker) and it wound up looking like something a fan of the Riddler would wear at a Batman/comics convention. So...I threw it out.
I almost titled this post "Cuz Luv & Deluxe Tattoos" because I went out to brunch yesterday with my cousins, Anna and Kate. Anna just graduated Monmouth College, and already has a career (mortgage brokering) and an apartment (in Westmont--with a pool!). Kate has been in New Lenox for a while, but has been super-busy with work, school, friends, life, the works, and we haven't hung out in almost a year. It was so good to reconnect with them, although we were all talking turbo-speed (okay, maybe just me) so we could catch one another up on where we're at right now, plus things that have happened in the last few months. It was great too because we made the effort to hang out, and it wasn't our parents dropping "subtle" hints about getting together with the cousins.
After me and Kate saw Anna's apt (so cute-ified: Anna's room is pink & her roommate's is Lily Pulitzer-lime green, and the whole place smelled like fresh fruit), we decided to go into the city and get tatttos. Which we did, and I read Maxim magazine with Carmen Electra on the front while my artist Josh went crazy with an inking needle. Yowza! Forgot how uncomfortable that feeling is, but kind of a strangely nice pain. I initially wanted five stars, since Maura and I agreed on the symbology of five when we were in Paris, and I almost got one our last day in Paris, but I needed 1) an appointment and 2) to speak French, which I didn't. Maura was basically my translator the whole trip since she picks up languages so quickly, and I kind of...spoke like a cavewoman with hand gestures? And lots of hem/haws.
Kate got a star on the back of her ankle (we've now gotten two tatttos together--we both got one in Joliet 3 years ago, in this dive tattoo "parlor" and that was the first time I smoked a cigarette in front of my aunt Mary) and I finished up my side/lower back stars...I kind of let Josh's creativity go apeshit, since I ended up getting a few more than five stars. I'm already obsessed with it. Deluxe is quite a place though, and I'm pretty sure that's where Kristin got her coy fish bc they have a lot of Asian art on the walls, and a bunch of the artists seem inspired by a lot of Asian influences. I can't wait to tell Carmel at Anderson's that I finally went there!
What else...tired today, have to go to the dentist. I haven't had my teeth cleaned in a while so I'm kind of..nervous? I don't want to sit in the chair and have Dr. Mark's hygienist scrape at my teeth with that thing that looks like a hook. Ugh, I can hear the noise in my head of what it's going to sound like against my teeth.
One more thing. I took a book from the advance copy table at Anderson's and it's a book called Puff. This is where the creepy similarities start: I wrote a story (brace yourselves for this, it's pretty ridiculous) called "Puff" from the POV of a cigarette during my first semester of senior year for advanced writing workshop. Now, I knew people were going to have trouble with this, but in my head, I was thinking of the talking cigarette from Doonesbury, but the people in my class were like, is this addiction personified? Maybe it's the smoke telling us the story? I felt stupid defending this story bc logistically, yes fellow writing workshop participants, cigarettes are smoked, then thrown away, and a new pack is opened, so you really can't have the same cigarette be a main character/narrator. "Inconsistent narrative voice" was the consensus, I think.
Additionally weird though is the premise on the back of this book: "Meet John Gullivan, age thirteen, obsessed with the moles that dot most of his body." I almost fainted in the basement of Anderson's when I read that, basically a re-written version of the first sentence of my thesis. This was released in Feb 2005, but I was writing my thesis a full year before, probs around the time Bob Flaherty was writing Puff.
I have to start this Kevin Bacon church soon.
posted by SES @ 11:58 AM
6 Comments:
thank you Sarah for posting. i've been having blog withdrawls because nobody is posting. can you tell how lonely i am here? jesus, i can't wait to make friends. anyway...
my favorite is the shampoo one.
i'm afraid that I'll see you in 10 years on sally jessy covered in stars next to a dude who thinks he's a cat.
what's your thesis about again?
I'm having blog withdrawl too...I think Will is either a) dead or b) his blog has died--Blogger.com can't find it. Are you having the same experience with ennui?
I love the shampoo one too, I never thought about poo being a sham. But NOW I do!
My goal is to be in the Guiness Book of World Records, like that tattooed lady whose whole body, up to her neck, is covered. Except mine will be astronomical.
J/k, I'm pretty sure I'm nearly done with tattoos. Besides Sally Jessie is off the air--did I ever tell you my brother's girlfriend worked in a bar in St.Thomas, USVI and served a drunken bloated Sally Jessie, red rims and all?
I'll see if I can find my thesis and send it to you, or find the bound book it's in. I can send it in your hate package, which I'm aaallllmost finished with.
is your fascination with celebrities, i mean stars, related to your tattoo style? whoah!
I used to want to get a watch tattoo on my wrist. But with that arose 2 problems:
1) What time would I pick?? OMG!
and
2) It was a really gay idea for a 12 year old to have.
if you got that Target watch tattooed on your wrist, I might have to copy you. I loved the white watch that much.
...but then if we had more than one matching tattoo, we'd basically BE the same person, so we'd have to never talk again.
you could pick chinese dentist time: 2:30pm.
[say it fast in a chinese accent; this joke is courtesy of my dad, circa every day since 1973]
or be a stoner & pick 4:20, but that's TRULY gay. Gayer than you at 12.
p.s.
welcome Steffff, to commenting on my blog...basically, it's just been me and Tommy, and my friend in FL Aaron.
welcome to the club, WARP&CCBB
(that stands for We Are Regular Posters & Comment Constantly Between Blogs)
t-shirt possibilities? ENDLESS!
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