here's what I did at work today...
...I mean, after I was reamed out for showing up so late. I read the latest People mag, which had an article about Tommy Lee's new reality show on NBC where he goes back to college. I'm kind of looking forward to it, especially since I can watch it, the show being on public television and all. Here is "Tommy Lee's Pop Quiz of High School Level Trivia Questions" which really entertained me today during the slowest day at the bookstore ever. If you think he's going to do well (the reporter said he went to college for one semester and told her that he "kicked ass"), then, well, don't delude yourself and read on:Q. Who was the president during the Civil War? A. Ummm, Winston Churchill? I wasn't around then, so who cares? [Abraham Lincoln]Q. What is an isosceles triangle? A. Somewhere in Bermuda? [triangle that has at least two sides that are equal]Q. Who invented the polio vaccine?A. Wow. George Bush? [Jonas Salk]Q. What's the numeric equivalent of Pi? A. Is that the 2=MC squared thing? [3.14, and for the record Tommy, it's E=MC squared]Q. What was women's suffrage? A. The boutiques closing too early? [women's right to vote]Q. What is a majority whip?A. Hopefully it' s a she. Sounds like a fun party to me. [legislator who enforces party attendance and support]Q. When was the War of 1812?A. I have no clue. 1812? I'm right? Ding ding ding!My favs were the last few, and for the record, People Magazine, I don't know if I ever knew what a majority whip was, even during the US government unit in high school history, and I almost prefer Tommy Lee's definition. I also thought the War of 1812 was one of those tricky historical abstractions that wasn't actually in the year 1812, but I think I'm thinking of an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader "not as obvious as you think" quiz. I don't know if this show will be as good as "Being Bobby Brown", especially since Tommy Lee has to be so well-behaved on NBC, but it may prove to be retardedly entertaining.
there's absolutely nothing going on tonight that you should be part of
a wonderful reading supplement for this evening's various events: http://newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/12264/and again, sorry I was stuck in my straitjacket at the beginning of the summer--my publicist sister finally started slipping me mood stabilizers and I'm feeling much more calm. But I'm still completely and utterly against medication of any sort. You can vitamin-and-exercise away any real problems. I hope you have some karaoke songs prepared, and have been alone in your respective rooms all week practicing your stage presence and microphone twirls. TONIGHT, 9pm: Trader Todd's. Be there, you squares.
it's the Black Man's bday!
Hello.
We just wanted to let you know we've made a grievous error in the past post, and we're here to correct it.The cemetery we mapped out is not Saint Sulpice at all, but Pere-Lachaise Cemetery in East Paris. We don't know what came over us; most likely a dose of "too much Da Vinci Code" and mistaken French landmarks.In other news, the Black Man in question is really Melissa BlackMON, but she's had her name misspelled so many times over the years, I thought I'd enrage her one more time on this happiest of days, her 23rd bday. Wish her a happy bday this Friday at Trader Todd's. And you ain't cool unless you Trader Todd's. Peeing your pants is also acceptable cause for coolness, but please save that for being onstage with a karaoke mike in your hand. If someone lost bladder control at Bday Blitz, that would be the best bday present in the world! And worth years of laughs.
a small taste of YourUp
<--It took us nearly an hour to figure out where the Peter Pan statue was in Kensington Gardens, and then I made Maura do this gay pose. But really, I was way excited to be in Kensington Gardens since I did this big paper on JM Barrie, and I imagined him shopping for kids while chilling on the benches of K.G. during the early 20th century. 
<--this is us mapping out Saint Sulpice so we could hit all the graves we wanted to in the most efficient way possible--how morbid. Then we got kicked out at sundown since we spent too much time in the Holocaust Memorial area of the cemetery. Again, how morbid. 
<--Oscar Wilde's grave, a major one we both knew we had to visit. They were filming a movie there when we visited and I had to interrupt minorly when I took this pic. 
<--awwww, Dad, you shouldn't have. And extra sensitive? Thanks for worrying about my pleasure. P.S. Maura and I were somewhat tanked on $$ O'Hare cocktails, and had already called everyone we could think of to let them know Rog bought me a mondo pack of condoms. 
<--ah, the beautiful Sampo Haltia. Don't you know Maura and I would move to Norway and be your American concubines? Seriously, we want to marry you. Maura can have M, W, F and I'll take T, Th, Sa...the Sabbath we'll all spend together, you and your two wives. 
<--I swear we think about things other than marriage. Or how we can get pregnant and force men to marry us since it's "the right thing to do." J/K, Maura and I couldn't believe how romantic this spot was and almost wished we were lesbians so we could make out on this bridge. Alas, we settled for a photo to remind our future husbands that they MUST propose on this bridge in Germany if they want to have any fun on their wedding night. 
<--this is real. And I wanted to be part of the M.U.F.F
<--Fuck you, Fry Guy. I was so flabbergasted by this thing I made Maura take a picture, and I'm basically saying, why the fuck IS this character wearing red lace-up boots? And also, we took it for Will, since the Fry Guy is eating himself while giving a thumbs up: yum! I'm delicious! 
<--Merry Christmas 2005! Love, Maura and SarahWe know you're all eagerly anticipating our YourUp slideshow, but don't pressure us, we're working on it. There are a billion more wonderful pics, and maybe you all should convince Maura to get a blog and she can post some too. Do it!
