Saturday, July 16, 2005

BARBS-e-que tonight/tomorrow

Realized I don't have to babysit tonight, so I'm going to be preparing care packages (oops, I mean hate packages; I almost wrote "hatah" instead, as in "playa hata") and anticipating Katie getting off work.

I'm still planning on having a grill-out, but I also still don't know how to work the grill. We might have frozen pizzas in the oven instead--I know can do that. I wrote yesterday that I wanted RSVP's but today I don't care...you can even just show up at my house if you want. Who am I kidding? It'll be me and Katie, wino-style having a dance party.

And that sounds so fun! My ears are still ringing from Tom Petty, and from screaming in our wedding party-limo (it was white and had ceiling track lighting in neon purple, but a prettty nice bar area). Two limo experiences come to mind: 1) being a flower girl in my uncle Mike and aunt Leona's wedding in the '80s--they were total rockers and the bridesmaid wore red satin dresses! Me and my cousin Mary got to ride in the limo with the bridal party, but the rest of our girl cousins hated us bc we were "picked" to be flower girls. Whatevs, we were 5--I hope this is water under the bride now; 2) when high school girlfriends (me, Katie, Maura, and Dacia) rented a limo for King of Hearts--we went stag bc we didn't feel like finding a boy to ask--and sang "Jessie's Girl" like it was fucking going out of style. And yes, I realize Rick Springfield IS out of style; not in my mind though. That is (one of many) great moments in "Boogie Nights", when Dirk realizes how fucked up his life is at the awesome mix tape guy's coke pad.

Back to TP (Tom Petty, not toilet paper): I did cry during "Crawling back to you" bc it reminded me of my roommate in Portland, Karen, and how much she loved Tom Petty, and we almost saw him at the Gorge together (she ended up going with her Grants Pass, OR friends and I couldn't move out to Portland fast enough--it was summer, and I had to keep working before starting school). I remember driving around together before fall semester started at Lewis & Clark, and we were sophomores (god did we feel cool). We listened to that song a lot, and when I heard it last night, I did cry. I don't think I've talked to her in years. And I thought of road trips to the Oregon coast, and me, Rob, Artie, Cash, Karen, Andrea and Dave all agreeing on Tom Petty...he's a great neutralizer for car trips. I miss Portland.

Important: I finally bought another copy of the Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack since I left it at Katie's house on one of those Scrabble nights, and never saw it again. We think it spontaneously combusted. But I get to listen to that great Figurine song again ("my mascara's running down my cheeks/I haven't left the house in over a week") and then this other song with a lyric I like ("everytime you're sad/someone is sadder than you")....oh and then there's Jamiroquai! And When In Rome! Great disc and I'm so happy to have it at my disposal again.

Got candy in my heels tonight, baby.

posted by SES @ 9:23 AM 2 comments

Friday, July 15, 2005

happy (almost!) Harree Pottah day!

I decided to name my post this bc I greeted a customer this way about thirteen seconds ago...I was going to call it "Wal-Mart doesn't just sell guns, they sell guitars too!" (I had to go pick up some last-minute crafting supplies last night when I got to Will's girlfriend tee and realize I was out of the GF font, and after leaving my checkout station, I saw an electric guitar and a banjo for sale! okay, lie, it wasn't a banjo, but it was some folksy guitar I can't name).

I was also going to name it "Wildlife Run-ins" bc on the way home from Katie's two nights ago, not only did I see a Japanese Albino deer walking down the middle of Woodlawn Ave (the cross-street of Ashland that has few stop signs and lots of fun bumps)!! Maybe it wasn't an Albino deer, but it was definitely walking down the center of the street as if it was a Sunday jaunt in the park. I flashed my brights to see if there really was something in the street (or if my new meds were working double overtime in hallucination-ville! j/k I really haven't had any hallucinations) and there it was...I took a picture of course. Maybe this Bemis Woods deer can meet and mate with the Japanese Albino deer, though we may have to ship the former to Toykyo for the love affair to happen.

Then when I arrived home, I was walking up my back steps and heard a rustling in the trees. Again, I thought it was my overactive imagination--what was I expecting, a wildebeast? No! A raccoon! Hanging out in the tree two feet from me! For those of you who gave me shit about carrying a flashlight in my purse, it saved my life in this instance bc I shined it in that fucker's face and told him to get off my property. I was shaking though, and muffling a scream (reminded me of high school when I used to scream bloody murder whenever I saw a possum, road-killed or alive with thousands of babies clinging to its nipples--sick!), thinking it would leap out of the tree and attack my face. Ooh, I'm still shuddering thinking about it.

My last possible post title was "BARB-e-Que at the BARB'S residence on SAT/SUN!" Then I was going to put RSVP necessary since everyone is so fond of returning phone calls when a social event is in question. And oh yes, this will be a social event. No, who am I kidding, the more I play it up and force people to come, the greater the chance of no-shows, and then it becomes me, Kate, Maura and various other gf's drinking my parents wine and shoving cigarette butts between the cracks of our backporch.

Regardless, here is what I plan on doing Sat/Sun, and anyone who reads this is welcome to join me bc I will be doing these activities with or without anyone else. All day Saturday, I'll be at the bookstore, where Harry Potter will finally be released and I'm expecting craploads of people (all hot, irritated, and book-haters). Then I babysit for my favorite comic book trio: Will, John and David, so I'll most likely be there til 11ish or 12am. Kate gets off around the same time from Bacino's so we were going to hang out at my house, maybe a little dance party, maybe some wine. I've invited my friend Larry from work, so anyone else is welcome to attend--but I do reserve bouncer privileges at my own house, since I realize obscure people might read this blog.

On Sunday, I want to 1) grill stuff; 2) use my new slip n' slide and/or the sprinkler if I can't find the slip n' slide or I realize I'm way too big to slide across 5 feet of wet rubber (ha ha, I set that one up for whomever wants to respond to it); 3) drink some beers and be in my bikini until the sun goes down.

Re: #1--I can't do that unless someone is coming who knows how to work grills. It was Rog's Father's Day present a year ago (or two?) and if he saw me tending to his grill...well, let me just say that would be a one-way ticket out of my house. I wouldn't even know what to do with it. So if you want to eat over at my house and you happen to know how to work a mondo grill (not the traditional Weber Grill, I could probs figure that out), please do come over. I'll even have an apron for you if you prefer.

Re: #s 2 and 3--I'll be doing this most definitely.

call my phone if you're interested. And not about the 5 ft wet rubber thing.

posted by SES @ 2:59 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Happy Bastille Day!

Okay, wishing everyone a happy Bastille Day is kind of a cop-out...I didn't even know it was Bastille Day until I went to the UPS store to mail a book to my brother and a cd to my uncle Mike. Then I felt like a stupid loser bc I was trying to think of exactly what happened on Bastille Day, besides the storming of the Bastille. Sarah-who-paid-attention-in-history-class wants to say that it was a major dispute between the bourgeousie and the aristocrats, but then again, wasn't that the background on every major dispute in French history? Or even every culture in history: the common-folk vs. the wealthy?

Oh well. Speaking of uncles, I want to quote this funny story from my favorite uncle of them all, John. He has a new book out, and I've been reading it constantly for little tidbits of great cocktail party stories. He says, "The fact that hundreds of thousands of pounds of aluminum and pretzels can fly is weird enough, but it gets weirder.

Louis Paul Kadlecek of Angleston, TX, started celebrating his 21st birthday on Feb. 25, 2004. He was still drunk four days later when he decided to break into the Brazoria County Airport and steal an airplane (he had never flown one before). He got into a single-engine Cessna (with a case of beer) and took off. A mile later he flew the plane into a 100,000-volt power line, cutting off electricity to a large portion of the county, and plunged 100 feet to the ground. The drunken man then got up and walked the three miles back to his home. Police arrested him the next morning. When asked where he had planned to take the plane, he answered, 'I don't know--Mexico, maybe." He faces up to 20 years in prison."

4 things: 1) I hope L.P. doesn't end up in jail, because I would like to celebrate my 23rd bday with him this August 17th. I'll provide the cases of beer, and he'll provide the faux pilot's licence, and we'll fly to Curacao!
2) He must be one fantastic video gamer if he can hop into a Cessna for the first time and operate it (slightly well, until he met that power line); 3) he must have had a killer hangover in court; and 4) this somewhat reminded me of sky-diving in Capetown...after we had landed and gotten out of our Top Gun harnesses, Ashley Hague and I snuck out back onto the runway to take pictures of each other in the cockpit of a plane. There were a bunch of empty Cessnas on the runway bc this enterprise was pretty efficient, having to take all these shifts of Semester at Sea kids sky-diving. I got a picture of myself with the pilot headphones on, giving (what else?) a thumbs up. Now I'm realizing we probably could have just started the plane up and flown to Johannesburg! Maybe next time though.

P.S. this might have been my shortest post yet...doesn't feel as gratifying as I thought it would...

posted by SES @ 5:23 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

three cheers for mood stabilizers

no, not really. actually, three anti-cheers for mood stabilizers. Last night when I was at work, my dad and asks if I "have a minute" (translation: ten to fifteen, bc that's how long it took him to tell me his story). I said not really, I'm supposed to be starting closing stuff and a bunch of customers were still browsing (i.e. they will come to the register with arms full of books and cards ten minutes before closing). Then he says, Dr. Burda called and wants to put you on a mood stabilizer.

Hmmm. That's my pyschiatrist, I think myself. And he wants to put me on anti-psychotics (of course, when I told my parents this in the morning, before I went to work today, my dad was like, but they use this to correct other behaviors too. Thanks, Dr. Ruth--didn't realize how up-to-date you were with modern psychiatry and the variety of SSRIs); now I definitely have time to talk, Dad.

My week keeps getting better and better! If I had a "Best Week Ever" about my life, Wed. certainly would be "hump day", or me getting over the fact that I actually have to be on these meds.

I had plans to hang out with Zach last night, but we opted not to see a movie, since I was under strict (16 year old) orders to have the car home by 1230am and get a "good night's sleep." I'm starting to feel like I live in Mother Hubbard's shoe. We ended up watching the end of the All-Star game, then the end of Kill Bill: Vol. 2, a little bit of Entourage, then PBS ThinkTank. We both lamed out during ThinkTank and I almost fell asleep. Zach had already changed into Christmas-colored relaxi-clothes, so I knew the night would not last much longer.

I dropped off Katie's bday present on her doorstep (Tino was passed out on the couch), then drove home. I think I was listening to Kelly; I'm still obsessed with #s 2,3, and 5. ANYwho...waiting for me on the kitchen table was ZYPREXA (doesn't that sound like Zeus' secret mortal whore, with whom he cheats on Hera? Don't answer that. Nevermind) and I decided to read "Osco Pharmacy Answers" since they're so kind to provide me with info about the intense psychotropic drugs I'm on. Here's what they say ("count on people who care") about Zyprexa:

USES: This medication is used to treat certain mental/mood conditions (schizophrenia, bipolar mania). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural chemicals in the brain (neurotransmitters). Some of the benefits of continued use of this medication include feeling less nervous, better concentration, and reduced episodes of hallucinations. However, olanzapine has not been shown to be safe or efective in the elderly for treatment of delusions/halllucinations (psychosis) due to dementia.

Then there's a shitload of side effects I have to watch for. And I'm so happy to truly know what "neurotransmitters" are.

So, this is fun: I'm on medication for symptoms I don't have (nervousness, hallucinations, and poor concentration). I feel like a stoner again. I had to come home from work today bc I was slurring my speech like Norm after a long night at Cheers. I was enraged with our antiquated computers, they work so goddamned slow. I wanted to cry bc I'm actually on medicine that regulates schizophrenics. I think this weekend's homework is to watch 1) "A Beautiful Mind" [I actually never saw it, even though I like Jennifer Connelly a lot, and it won a bunch of Oscars]; 2) check out Prozac Nation from the library [I would rent the movie--Christina Ricci is Elizabeth, the writer of the memoir!--but it got universally panned and went straight to video; I try not to watch anything that's straight to video unless it has the Coreys in it].

I guess I have to do this in a way...though I feel way more calmed down since Eurotrip 05 and subsequent mania weekend (I arrived home drunk--don't even remember arriving into O'Hare I was so tanked--and hardly slept; kept going out bc I wanted to see so many people, which turned out to be a bad idea), my parents are still worried about me, so if I'm going to live here for a little while longer, I should probably make sure they're comfortable with me. And not have them think if I miss a full 8 hours of sleep, I turn into an idea-fueled, arm-waving Lindsay Lohan who is pissed at the world for not understanding. BTW, I think Star was right on when they asked if she was "a little girl lost"--totally! She is the next Drew Barrymore if Hollywood isn't careful.

Okay, I'm going up to Bacino's to meet up with Kate, and whomever else is there. Have absolutely nothing to do tomorrow so that means: CRAFTMANIA! Can't wait. Personalized tees and visors galore! More on this tomorrow, since I have to confer with my craft cohort, Lainey.

p.s. I'm gone/to find someone to live for in this world/there's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight/just a bridge that I gotta burn!

posted by SES @ 10:49 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

gwen says: take a chance, you stupid ho...

...tick tock tick tock...take a chance cuz you might grow/life is short, you're cap-a-ble

thanks, Gwen, I'm still a super-hot female. I guess I'm not waiting for anything.

I went to Kinko's yesterday and made a nice color-copy of my Eurotrip diary. I think I'm sending it to Sean Wilsey soon, and then McSweeney's depending on what he says. I can't see myself having creative freedom (or the mixed media and frequent copyright permission that I want, or need for this book) anywhere else but there. I guess if they're not into the manuscript, I'll have to take it to the big dogs in NYC. But that's kind of my last resort; I'd almost rather self-publish and promote it myself.

On Sunday night, I "babysat" for Lainey (and Anna, who was already sleeping and mostly just a voice on the moniter, Vader-style), but I put it in quotes bc I never feel like I'm truly minding children, as Mary Poppins would. Mostly, we hang out and talk about tv shows and crafting and movies and toys and things that Lainey is thinking about.

Here's an example of her thought process, very similar to mine when I was her age: we walked over to the Pick Me-Up cafe to use their bathroom and chill out for a little while. We ended up splitting an Oreo sundae--we both pretty much just ate the whipped cream and chunks of Oreos, then got sick of the sundae--and she was crazed on sugar. I thought of TC and how he would posit that Lainey's ADD, except NOT AT ALL. She's four, has lots of ideas and better expressed through Jung (thanks A-Ron, I actually visited the Semester at sea website and they had a good Jung quote but it must be on some sort of time-release thing bc it's been replaced with Emerson): "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." We walked outside, and I asked her to hold my hand and stand on the inside of the sidewalk, since cars/trucks in the city drive fast and might side-swipe us. "And then I'd be in a wheelchair," she said. I replied, maybe, but maybe not. "Kids can't be in wheelchairs." I said, yes they definitely can, but some kids are in wheelchairs for a short time and some kids are in wheelchairs for their whole lives, like when they're adults and grandparents. "But wheelchairs are hard to be in." Yes, they are, but you can play sports in wheelchairs and live a pretty good life. Then we talked about wheelchair basketball.

Lainey, as a kid, has the best of both worlds: being able to dream and awaken, since both are possible, and she's surrounded by people who allow her to think it possible. Not that she can't be a ballet dancer or one of the million things she'd be good at, but I like how her parents are completely real to her, while not squashing her fabulous creativity.

Megan, Annie and Lainey came over to pick me up yesterday since I had called before their playgroup at Spring Rock to see if Lainey wanted to run errands with me and have a girlfriends afternoon of hanging out. And I had a blast; I think Lainey did too, but we were both exhausted when I dropped her back off around 5ish.

We started by going out to lunch at Einstein's bagels and we ate YourUp-style on a bench, since all the Hinsdalian corporates & golf-moms-in-Prada were having lunch dates, and the outside tables were full. We matched, in pink, but not even planned! But we both love Jem, so of course, know the other one appreciates pink. I had my Blondie shirt on, and Lainey was wearing a pink mini-culotte ensemble, with a white polo. Plus, we both had purses; hers was a little chickie and it looked adorable with her outfit. After we had bagel sandwiches and discussed what music we wanted to listen to on the ride in to the city, we jumped into Big Red and got on the Stevenson.

Now, I didn't realize until I dropped Lainey off and Andy said, yeah, she really doesn't like being the car for a long time. But that's pretty much what we did--hung out in Big Red, listened to music (lots of girl power, Lainey's big into boys vs. girls; at one point, she said {as she bit into her cheese-on-a-bagel sandwich} "boys don't eat grilled cheese right?" and I said, well some boys do, but today, only girlfriends get to eat grilled cheese...wasn't sure what to say since basically everyone I know loves grilled cheese) sang along, and told jokes. I wanted to drop off two things at Erich's apt, since he's going to MIA in Northbrook for a while, and Lainey was so curious about him. When I first said his name, she said, "Like Eric from 'The Little Mermaid"?" and I said, exactly. "So he's married to Ariel?" Uh, not exactly.

Then she wanted to know why he didn't have any hair, which I tried to relate to Lainey as a 'remember when you were a baby and you didn't have any hair?' So she said she wanted to save these sparkly USA barretts I gave her for Erich, so he can wear them when he has hair again. And I said, Lainey, I'm not completely sure if he'll wear these even when he has hair. But she was already making a Will-as-babysitter parallel, when he told her his name was "Willamena" and he pretended to be an actual girlfriend. Lainey was like, we'll say, ha ha ha you're a girl! if Erich puts barretts in his hair. I laughed at her idea, but then at this possible scenario of it occurring. When my brother was babysat by the Nelligans and older teens on Ashland Ave, he'd always come home with barretts in his red curly hair.

Lainey thought that his apartment looked like a castle, which it kind of does. But we were pretty sure he was sleeping, and Lainey had to go to the bathroom so bad ("my pee is this close to coming out, Sarah!" and I had told her we might have to go in his backyard, maybe he had a garden. But no go on that; I think I completely made up that idea of a garden when were stuck in traffic on the Edens, and she started mentioning she would have to go soon. I took her to the bathroom at the Pick Me-Up Cafe, where we both signed our initials in orange chalk on the door.

Then we headed back to the burbs, and of course, got stuck in traffic on the Eisenhower and poor Lainey was like, can we get out and do jumping jacks? Oh, I forgot, when I was leaving a note at the door, she was antsy and had energy to dispose of, so Lainey started doing a cheerleader routine, complete with leaps and twists. Then she got down on her hands and knees (on the sidewalk in front of Erich's building!) in a sort of downward-facing dog pose, so her little bottom was sticking out just as these two guys my age walked by. It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen, but of course, I had to let her know Roscoe st. might not be the place to do yoga on the sidewalk.

I forgot, Lainey really loved Gwen Stefani, and especially like the cover. When we were in the car on the way to the city, and thought maybe we could craft and watch tv on Erich's couch, she asked if I would read her the liner notes, like it was a story.

Then, during Kelly Clarkson, she asked, ooh, she said 'hate'--that's a bad word. Who does she hate? I replied that KC "hated" herself for letting someone get away. Lainey asked, who was it that got away? And I said, maybe the love of her life? Maybe her boyfriend? I'm not sure; I don't know Kelly that well.

On the way home, I put on the Bravery (even though they're boys) and Lainey loved #1, an honest mistake, and right as soon as the song kicked in (since it's intense from second one!) she starts tapping her legs in the carseat and goes, I can't stop moving! I said, I feel the same way girlfriend, except I have to drive the car so I move my arms instead of my legs.

Yikes, it's 2pm. I have to take a shower and get ready to go to work.

oh, if you read this and you live in the Chicago-area, keep Sept. 22 free: it's the first event for 826CHI
(and also my mom's bday!)

posted by SES @ 4:03 PM 1 comments

girlfrieeennnds day & other quotes

So I'm having an interesting day...kind of a perpetual state of "harummph" and I guess that noise is me thinking, me trying to understand things, even though everything is making sense for me like it never has before.

Take just now. I drove over to Zach's house to drop off two books, a Tintin postcard-turned-bday-card I got in Osaka, and an Andy Griffith show DVD, since it was (is) his 23rd bday today. And I completely forgot.

I've been so wrapped up in 'girlfriends' business (i.e. most every important girl/woman in my life has a Cancer or Leo bday, not just around here, but dear friends from college and beyond, that I've been thinking about and crafting, etc. for) that I completely forgot 7/11: Zachary Beste Taylor! He sounded kind of bummed on the phone when I talked to him (after I got out of my joint therapy sesh with my rents! don't worry, that's coming up) and we had plans to meet up in Maura's backyard.

But plans changed and he went home, and I knew I had to drop off something for him bc...it's his birthday?! The one day a year Zach gets to celebrate being Zach and he didn't even get to hang out like he wanted to. Plus, I had bought him the (cheapo) DVD way earlier in the morning, when I was at Walgreens (buying the place out, getting Will's camera developed so Lainey & I can send him a care package in Greece, whenever he has an address), and I grabbed the DVD since I think of Zach and Opie simulataneously, and not just bc that's the Kwilosz's (and others) nickname for him. So I'm glad I was subconsciously thinking about Zach, and it turned out to be his bday, which I think I knew anyways, but temporarily forgot. I'm thinking of trying to have people over on Saturday night to celebrate Zach's bday, Katie's arrival back home, Dacia's (semi) return home, and well, the fact that we live in the burbs and can sit out on my driveway and drink beers and play basketball if we want to. Or on the back porch and play cards, whatevs. I don't really care what we do, I kind of just want to have people over. More on that later.

I've always used being in the car to think about things, and this night was no different. But it's not quiet, drive-around, reflection time...more like incredibly loud music and me belting as loud as I can to drown out the vocals of whoevs is on the stereo. So essentially, tonight, it was me "cruising" on the way to/from Zach's house and I kept running into the same high school kids doing the same thing, but more actively displaced. Like I knew my agenda, and I knew I looked about 17. Maybe I'm just supposed to always stay 17; it is my lucky number and that golden bday was the most wild night of my life (culminating with me & Katie stealing bottles of wine, trash rags, basically anything we could get our hands on from the 7-11, and the clerks thought we were so entertaining, they let us drunkenly dance on the counters! Meanwhile, the Baking Beauty had died, but we didn't care that much and just kept wrecking the convenience store. We tried to sleep at Kwilosz's but TK kicked us out, so we slept in the parking lot of the Best Western...and that was just one nearly typical night of that summer).

I don't know...I guess being in the suburbs makes me feel happy and sad. Happy bc I loved the way I grew up, and feel affirmed in how I did, but also sad bc not everyone in the burbs gets to grow up like that. Yeah, most everyone has money and a car to drive around in (either their parents', like most of my friends and myself; or kids who get cars--either way, this seems to stop no one from driving like retards while drunk, stoned, in the process of doing either, or just plain sober and they suck at driving bc they're so f-ing fresh from Driver's Ed simulators and "road tests") but no one has anywhere to go. But I remember thinking then, this is the most fun ever! Drinking in my parents' minivan and shooting various pedestrians on the streets of downtown LG with a Super-Soaker! Chugging beers in gas station bathrooms bc we couldn't drink at anyone's house! And it was fun, but we all knew it was bad, and we were doing it bc we were sort of angsty and not sure how to be wild & still have smart fun. Not necessarily sober fun, but just partying smarter. I didn't learn this lesson until college, when I started realizing the dumb mistakes I made when I would have people over that Le Chris would never make.

Me driving back from Zach's tonight was weird bc I, 1) had an agenda, and knew where I was going; 2) still saw all the teens and tweens driving around, some of the ballsier guys in the backseats of Jettas calling "Hey!" into my car...I meanwhile, was listening to Kelly Clarkson. So they're like, who the fuck is this sophomore? And why is she wearing a pink Blondie tee with sparkles on it [the one I bought from Wal-Mart!] and blasting the latest KC song? KC sux. I like Good Charlotte, or Simple Plan. They're totally hardcore.

They didn't say that, but I imagined they were, simply bc I remember an asshole I hated named Ryan once told me, "Yeah, I saw you driving at like 1230am and you were blasting music, and like, karaoke singing!" And I thought to myself, am I supposed to feel embarrassed about that? I must have been 16 or 17. And I knew I didn't feel bad about it, but "high school" bullshit made me think I should. I think I've just been a 34 year old trapped in this body for too long, and now that I'm realizing what a naive angsty girl I was in high school, it WAS all for a reason; I just had no idea then what the reason was.

Yikes, I'm waxing wayyyy poetic. I meant to post about the fun day me & Lainey had, running errands together and spending car time listening to music and talking, but I guess I'll do that tomorrow. I can't stop thinking about other people's words. I would quote KC, on "gone" or some other angry break-up song (this album is on par, in my mind, with the last good break-up album, one that charts the progression of a relationship: "jagged little pill"-- Alanis' enraged chronicle of her imploded relationship with Dave Coulier....oh Joey, what were you thinking going down on another girl in a theater!?! I haven't listened to that since 8th grade, but I remember being obsessed with "head over feet" I think it was called) but since bloggers are good at reading between the lines, I'll leave it to KC. Or I'd even quote the Mac, but "Rumours" is like the original breakup album, except it was totally incestuous and '70s bc they were all doing each other and writing music about it--god, that must have been intense.

I will quote John Irving though, and I'm excited to read his new, characteristically lengthy book "Until I Find You"...bc hello, how could I not like another author who writes amazing modern Quixotic stories that take forever to get through? He should read my blog. Not that I'm on par with Irving, but I certainly feel like I could write 800 pages if I sat down long enough to do so.

"In those days, a tattoo was still a souvenir--a keepsake to mark a journey, the

love of your life, a heartbreak, a port of call. The body was like a photo album;

the tattoos themselves didn't have to be good photographs. Indeed, they may not

have been very artistic or aesthetically pleasing, but they weren't ugly—not

intentionally. And the old tattoos were always sentimental; you didn't mark

yourself for life if you weren't sentimental."

Then, this one I remember from Kerouac's "On the Road" but my mom made me the best scrapbook ever before I went away to Portland (I would look at it every night, convinced I'd totally made the wrong decision about college) and this was on the last page:

"...the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, made to be desirous of everything at

the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding

like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes, "Awwww!"

That quote kind of reminds me of Jeff, and Tommy, but in different (and similar) ways. I read this outloud to my rents tonight bc I'm sick of having to defend myself, so I'm starting to let other people I agree with do it. And in some way, I guess I feel like people are waiting for me to pop.

But I won't. I'm not just wanting to find people who are interesting and have interesting things to say; I'm needing to find people who seek out meaning in everything around them (and in them) in the same way that I do. Or at least those are the people I'd rather talk to. And that's pretty much why I'm glad I spent the day with Lainey.

posted by SES @ 1:37 AM 2 comments

Monday, July 11, 2005

more from my new "best day ever"

Ooooh, that reminds me...I'm at the Tracy's! I can watch VH1 and Best Week Ever! I'm actually annoyed I missed the newest "Surreal Life," sure to be a sassy update of one of my favorite fucked-up reality shows because Janice Dickinson is on it. She won't be on "America's Next Top Model" this season since she'll be living in the "SL" pad (can't wait to see how tacky and obnoxious it is!)...she's going to have to be a true-to-god real BITCH for her to out-publicize the Verne Troyer riding his Rascal naked (!) and peeing in the corner of the weight room incidents, as well as Peter Brady and Adrienne from "ANTM" falling in love. (!)
Well, I wanted to update that this really has been a great day. I got so many errands done AND I possibly found my wedding dress. I'm still not even sure I want to get married (as opposed to a Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins & Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell common law sitch) but I know that I have the dress now if I want to. I can't detail it (even though I'm dying inside to!) since, due to the fact that I'm not in an LTR, nor can I really stomach marriage at this point in my life, I'll probably end up wearing it out. Guaranteed I wear it out--I just need the right venue. This is where Kelly comes in (Barry, not Clarkson, but the latter will probably be there too, in vocal spirit): we have to talk soon about an idea I had for this party! It will be grand. Oh, but important deets on the dress: it's a vintage Deco cocktail dress (perfect condition!) peach in color (I'll also accept coral, since J.Crew does call this color 'coral' maybe even 'tangerine') and has lots of sequins. Of course. Would I not spend $230 (marked down from $305, thank you very much) on a dress if it didn't sparkle in some way? Ridiculous.
So the dress is pretty much why my day ruled, but now it's even more great because I got to come over and hang out with Lainey, the original girlfriend (I keep thinking of "original baby gangster" but I'm probably not going to start calling Lainey and Anna that, just cuz, well, they're not ghetto, at all). I got to hear stories about Will as a babysitter and get wonderful Lainey quotes (ex: when I asked her what type of cookies Will would like best in his care package that we're going to send to Greece soon with his own "girlfriends" t-shirt--we're making these for the girlfriends club, and though Will obviously is male, he's pretty much our suburban gf--and she goes, "When he comes over to our house, he just eats alllll the cookies. And we say, 'Wiii-llll!'" and she said 'Will" as I imagine his mom does, or Maura does, when he won't stop poking her or something...and she's four, and she even got her hand on her hip!). Okay, I guess I could sit here and type all night about how wonderful I think Lainey (and Anna, but she was asleep when I got there) is, mostly bc she's my 4 year old self. If Patti is my older self (mid-to-late 50s? I can't remember her exact age, but it doesn't really matter to me, or probably to her: age ain't nuthin by a number--who said that?), then Lainey is me at age 4.
I'm pretty tired. Time to watch cable shit. AND read my newest copy of Star, hurrah!

posted by SES @ 12:47 AM 6 comments

Sunday, July 10, 2005

"The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs"

Charles de Gaulle said that. And he made a great airport. On that note, bon voyage Jeff and please please please you and Laurel be safe. You both better come home. Or if you don't, it better be bc you've decided to be a wino professor in Italy, which I completely understand. In that case, book me a flight ASAP and I'll be your assistant. I don't speak Italian though, just some garbled version of Spanish, with a little dose of shitty French and shitty Italian thrown in there. Those damn romance languages annoy me. But I still do plan on buying French instructional tapes to listen to when I a) have a car; and b) am stuck in traffic and don't feel like listening to music.

So I didn't even post that title with the intention of saying bon voyage to Jeff...I saw that in Parade this morning and that was exactly the sentiment I had when I woke up. Not angry at people, but just annoyed? I feel like I shouldn't have gone out last night. But then again, I'm glad I had: seeing the Schneiders bros as 70s pimps (and Rocky Horror rejects? still confused about the fishnets), and Rudy (I'm always glad to see Rudy! But I never got his phone number, so I'll have to ask Maura for it) as a Halliburton pimp, and Chip and Kelly (did you have an alias? I can't remember...I know your whole story with the Lexus payments, but was your name still Kelly?)...so yeah, I'm glad I went out. But I HATE getting eye rolls from people who know me and people who don't know me. It's easy to brush off the stupids who don't know me, bc uh...they DON'T know me, so they can freely think I'm a lush, a retard, a pop culture whore, that I shop at Wal-Mart (all of which I do--actually I try to go to Target over Wal-Mart, but they are a tad more pricey, but I can't complain; I pay for Isaac Mizrahi and Cynthia Rowley to "design there"), all of which I am, if you glance at me at a party and see me dancing like...Ian Curtis? On Ritalin? Yikes. No but seriously, sometimes I look like a spaz. AND I KNOW THAT. Sometimes when bitch girls snigger (those wiggers/mixers) and pretend-whisper to each other, they think other girls don't see them doing that. Well, I do. And good thing I don't even want to be friends with them, so I don't care. But when people who know me (and I mean YOU, you're dumb! j/k I already apologized for that) think that I'm too intense, or out looking for a fight, or this, or that: fuck you, I'm not. Yes, I wouldn't back down from a fight if it was something I felt passionately about. But I do consciously PICK my battles. Why argue about something I don't care about? Then I feel like I'm lying or cheating (more to myself than anyone else) bc I know I could argue passionately about something, and I'm having a discussion about the properties of brats vs. hot dogs. Okay, I'm actually very interested in that debate; I would join it. But what I mean is that a discussion is between 2 (or more, depending on the sitch) people, and you never know how to "prepare" for these things bc they're spontaneous. And I like the fact that I never know what's going to get talked about when I go out; like last night, Jeff posed the idea that Mulligan has so many sleepers bc she dreams a lot. Which I completely believed (and am still going to believe, since I like that explanation better than my mom's/the vet's that St. Bernards have more eye secretions than other dogs bc they're a) so goddamed huge; b) their eyes are droopy). But that never would have occurred to me if Jeff hadn't said it.

Alright, I'm going to babysit the original girlfriends tonight--oh my god, I just had a brilliant idea regarding the tag-team Kelly and I are planning; Kelly, if you read this, ask me about it later in an email--so I have to wrap this up. But speaking of Kelly, I want to broach the music subject. I have never been this obsessed with music made by women since the 7th grade when I was heavy into Sarah Maclachlan (I still respect her, but too many trips to Lilith Fair with my lesbian moms, MF and KSS, and our blended family of me, Margi, Maureen, and Katherine, made me annoyed by a lot of her songs)...why am I so into Kelly Clarkson and Gwen Stefani right now (both of whom got some "oh my god, did those girls really put this on?" sarcastic ugly bitch faces)? A lot of reasons, that I could go into, and I will sometime, but not right now. I'll break it down: bc I've read up on their back story. Granted, I don't KNOW either of them personally, and all I have is interviews and articles and their actual music to make an judgement about who I think they are. I have and I like them both, a lot. I've always kind of liked Gwen, ever since Melissa Damasauskas played "Spiderwebs" for me in the 7th grade, but that was No Doubt. Now this is just her, and she's totally ruling. Same thing with KC: liked her, kind of, on "AI" but didn't really watch the show all that much so I didn't get into her until after she'd already won the competition. Oh, I guess I did sing "A Moment Like This" sometimes in the shower, when it was on the radio constantly. But then "Since U Been Gone" came around [and let me say both "Hollaback" and "SUBG" are frequent staples of good weekends, so I have lots of memories of listening to those songs, which alone would make me like those songs, in a good bubblegum pop sort of way] and I knew I liked KC for a reason.

Crap, I've already written too much. If I have time, I'll write more about Gwen and Kelly in the future, but let me just say, I'm already planning a karaoke rendition of "Behind these Hazel Eyes" (wait...I have eyes! Kelly, did you write this about me?!?) and my new fave, "Gone." In fact, I have to get dressed and I think I'm putting it on RIGHT NOW! I also have to post again, bc this was the latest "best day of my life" and I have to explain why.

posted by SES @ 8:43 PM 0 comments